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It was another typical day in the virtual lives of the Teen Robot Mystery Squad. Bionic Jennie and Android Alix were playing a rousing round of Robo-Robo Disco while Cyber Anthony and Automaton Vinnie played 4-D chess and Mecha Derek brooded. Suddenly, the Mystery Monitor lit up with Prime Minister Welldrive’s face, bringing the games to abrupt ends.
“Teen Robot Mystery Squad, Caper Cove needs your help!” Prime Minister Welldrive announced as the Squad gathered around the monitor. “Researchers from Caper Cove College discovered an ancient alien spaceship on the outskirts of town. The spaceship is unsafe for humans to approach it due to high levels of radiation. We need the Teen Robot Mystery Squad to investigate the spaceship and find out everything you can about its mysterious origins. But beware! A rival team of researchers from Misty Mines University are claiming they discovered the spaceship first, so watch out for the Young Adult Monster Fiasco Force!”
“We’re on the case, Prime Minister Welldrive!” Cyber Anthony saluted the monitor then turned to face the rest of the Squad. “Teen Robot Mystery Squad, let’s go abroad!”
The Squad leapt into action, jumping down trap doors perfectly aligned to drop each one into their specially-tailored Teen Robot Action Vehicles. They flew off in Eagle Formation, with Cyber Anthony in the lead as always.
The Squad landed a safe distance away from the spaceship. “What’s the plan, Chief?” Android Alix turned to Cyber Anthony.
“Stand back, Squad.” Cyber Anthony held out a protective metal hand. “I’ll investigate the crash site and wave you in once I determine whether it’s safe.”
“I’m so glad we have Cyber Anthony as our Squad lead,” Android Alix commented.
“He’s sooooo brave,” Bionic Jennie sighed.
“And he’s always thinking of what’s best for the Squad,” Automaton Vinnie agreed.
“Wait a nanosecond,” Mecha Derek interrupted. “My sensors are detecting… no!” He ran forward, grabbing Cyber Anthony and pulling him to the ground just before he touched the door to the spaceship. Moments later, a hidden incendiary device built into the door exploded, throwing them both several meters backwards. Mecha Derek shielded Cyber Anthony with his body.
“You… you saved my metal hide. Again.” Cyber Anthony gazed up at Mecha Derek, his cheeks filling with artificial oil.
“I detected Doctor Laser Vengeance’s bootprints near the door, and concluded that he had booby-trapped the spaceship. I had to protect you. It’s… what any member of the Squad would have done.” Mecha Derek shyly averted his orbs.
“And yet you always seem to be the one to rescue me.” Cyber Anthony grazed his metallic thumb across Mecha Derek’s literally-sharp cheekbones. “My hero.”
“I…” Mecha Derek made a noise that could be described as clearing his throat if he had one. “Oh! My sensors detect that this ancient alien hard drive has a secret message! If we can decrypt it, perhaps we can determine how the spaceship crashed in Caper Cove!”
“You’re right, my friend!” Cyber Anthony stood up, pulling Mecha Derek up with him with one arm. “Engage decryption software!”
“Oh. My. Glob.” Bionic Jennie sighed. “When are they going to kiss already?”
“Who?” Android Alix and Automaton Vinnie asked in unison.
“Cyber Anthony and Mecha Derek!” Bionic Jennie explained. “They’re so obviously robo-soul mates.”
“But Cyber Anthony is betrothed to Princess Pulsar of the Gorgeous Galaxy!” Automaton Vinnie exclaimed. “Their wedding is destined to bring peace to our quadrant!”
“And that’s what makes Deranthony so delicious!” Bionic Jennie squealed. “Star-crossed lovers, destined to be separated? It’s soooo good!”
“You can’t be serious,” Android Alix protested. “Deranthony is toxic. Mecha Derek used to work for Doctor Laser Vengeance. How do we know he’s not a sleeper agent waiting for his chance to double-cross us?”
“Because after Mecha Derek uncovered Doctor Laser Vengeance’s evil plans, he pushed Doctor Laser Vengeance off a cliff and threw himself in front of a stun ray to protect Cyber Anthony!” Bionic Jennie objected. “I can’t believe we are still debating Mecha Derek’s redemption arc in the Year of Our Blorg 5278.”
“I just don’t think he’s earned that redemption arc.” Android Alix crossed their arms over their chest.
“You never trust any redemption arc.” Bionic Jennie rolled her bionic eyes.
“You only trust him because you think he’s hot,” Android Alix accused her.
“Hey, Mecha Derek is a trusted member of our team,” Automaton Vinnie interjected.
“Automaton Vinnie gets it.” Bionic Jennie nodded.
“Doctor Laser Vengeance manipulated Mecha Derek,” Automaton Vinnie continued. “He made him believe that Prime Minister Welldrive had murdered Mecha Derek’s mother. I can only imagine the kind of betrayal that Mecha Derek felt when he realized his mother had really been murdered by his mentor… his partner… the one person he trusted more than anyone else in the world… the only person he had ever…”
“I can’t believe you’re a Laser Mecha Vengrek shipper!” Bionic Jennie interrupted.
“I’m just saying, we don’t really know what they got up to on all those long nights in Castle Vengeance, do we?” Automaton Vinnie challenged.
“And that’s why we can’t trust Mecha Derek,” Android Alix concluded.
“So you’re a Laser Mecha Vengrek shipper too?” Bionic Jennie asked.
“No. Ew. No.” Android Alix shook their head. “I just don’t think Mecha Derek is good enough for Cyber Anthony.”
“Oh, and who is, in your expert opinion?” Bionic Jennie scoffed.
“Prime Minister Welldrive. Have you ever noticed that Cyber Anthony is always the first one to come running when the Prime Minister calls, and the first one the Prime Minister congratulates on a job well done?”
“What?” Bionic Jennie yelped.
“No!” Automaton Vinnie howled.
The three teen robots erupted into shouts of “Princess Pulsar!” “Mecha Derek!” “Prime Minister Welldrive” and “just consider the angst potential of Laser Mecha Vengrek!” It was a ship war such as had never before been observed in Caper Cove. Fortunately, Cyber Anthony broke it up before it went nuclear.
“Guys? Guys? Guys.” He emitted a hypersonic whistle to get their attention. “We could use your help over here. We nearly have the secret message decrypted but we need your help with the last step. Can anyone interpret ‘Teen Robot My*tery *quad *niff* butt*?’”