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Shaku sensei rarely came to this part of the town. While he wouldn’t call himself old, this area clearly belonged to young people. Anime goods stores, maid cafes, bookstores, and many other things he couldn’t wrap his head around, things that brought a shiver down his spine—even a seasoned high school teacher like him had his limits.
What prompted the expedition was Harumi’s upcoming birthday. Fellow teacher, lover, life partner, soul mate—Shaku would do anything to make Harumi happy, which meant, unfortunately, visiting this area to hunt down an obscure used book set on Japanese folklore.
Thankfully he didn’t have to linger for too long—he found the book set at the fourth bookstore he stopped by. While his mind was preoccupied with Harumi’s smile, he took a wrong turn and instead of the train station, he found himself in a small alley, the kind with neon signs and couples walking with their heads ducked.
As he looked for a way out, he spotted a familiar small figure walking in front of him. It was Saku, a student in the class that he was in charge of. He was relieved that they hadn’t noticed him. Wait, what are they doing here, in a side street filled with seedy hotels for impromptu sex? He got a better look—they were walking right next to a much older man who was definitely not Dr. Hagiwara. No. It can’t be. Maybe it is just a family friend of some sort?
Saku and the man walked into a love hotel.
He almost dropped the bag of books in his hand. Being a high school teacher in a materialistic modern society, he was well aware of the possibility that some of his students may be led down the path of Enkou where they sell their body in exchange for money and, in sadder cases, affection. Still, to see it happen right in front of him was a shock, and Saku, out of all people.
He stood in the middle of the alley for a few minutes. Then he texted Harumi that he would be home a little later today.
Across from the love hotel there was a hole-in-the-wall yakitori place. He found a seat next to the window and ordered a soda, and even though he really needed a beer or maybe a Highball, he was still a man of great restraint.
Talented, introverted, and quirky. These were the words he would use to describe Saku. While academically they struggled—quite a lot in fact—he saw a bright future for them in the field of creative writing. Their poems did have melancholic undertones and could be disturbing sometimes, and he knew about their history of mental health problems, but he never thought that they were this…troubled.
He remembered his home visit to their house before school started. First he tried to chat with Saku, who stared at him in silence with large fearful eyes, and then with Mrs. Hagiwara, who asked in a gentle voice, “Saku, why don’t you go to your bedroom for a bit?”, to which Saku eagerly complied and dashed upstairs. Once they were out of earshot, Mrs. Hagiwara sighed deeply.
“Sensei, I would like to apologize in advance. Saku—they are a special child. Born different. You see, they spent their entire last year of junior high hiding in their room. Suddenly deadly afraid of everything. The psychiatrist said it was an early onset of schizophrenia combined with depression, and we got them on several meds. Things have been better since then fortunately. This was also why we chose a private high school—we believe they would be in better hands this way.”
He sensed that it was his cue.
“No need to apologize, Mrs. Hagiwara. I can assure you that, and I am saying this as someone with twenty years of teaching experience, Saku will thrive under my guidance.”
Oh. How he had failed.
Could it be that they urgently need money for some reason? Maybe they were blackmailed into doing this? He found it hard to believe that someone as shy and nervous as Saku could be capable of sleeping with grown men. To be honest, he didn’t think Saku would be sleeping with anyone at all. They seemed far too absorbed in their own world of poetry, too afraid of life and living people.
Just as he was contemplating life and its endless melodrama, two hours passed and he saw the man that Saku was with walk out of the love hotel. A minute or two later, Saku appeared.
He slapped a thousand yen note onto the counter and ran after them.
Saku was completely unfazed. In fact, they looked like they had been expecting him. Did they spot me before they got in the hotel? A chill went down his spine. He tried to speak, but found himself at a loss for words. A passerby casted a curious glance at the two. He realized that standing in front of a love hotel with a high schooler was a horrible idea, so he just said, “Come with me,” and Saku did.
They sat down at one of those candy colored cafes. Saku buried their head behind the glossy menu for a while before settling on a strawberry parfait. He ordered a black coffee. To his relief, the waitress did not give him dirty looks for being a man in his forties sitting in a cute cafe with a teenager. Maybe she sees things like this around here everyday.
He cleared his throat. “Saku, I just want to let you know that if you are struggling with something, you can always come to me or any of the teachers.”
They had a confused look on their face. Being the patient teacher that he was, he clarified, “If someone is making you do something that you don’t want to do, or if you really need money, things like that.”
They looked even more confused.
“But no one is forcing me to do anything. Nor do I need money?”
Shaku sensei realized that with them, he had no choice but to be upfront. He lowered his voice.
“The thing just now. Where I saw you.”
Finally, a look of realization on their face.
“Ooooh! You mean me having sex?” they asked in a voice loud enough for the entire cafe to hear.
Shaku sensei rarely regretted his choice of becoming a teacher, but right now he was wishing that none of this never happened—maybe he could have been working as a researcher at a university, leading a quiet life.
With a shaky voice, he said, “Yes. That.”
“What about it?” they asked with an innocent look, one that made him realize that they weren’t trying to hide anything, which made him even more alarmed.
“Just… Why?” he managed to say.
“Because I want to?”
He was silent for a moment, then he started talking.
“Saku, it is a very normal thing to desire love and romance for someone going through puberty. I would recommend seeking these things from someone of your own age. I am sure that there are plenty of fine young men in our class, for instance.”
He thought of Miyoshi, a diligent and kind boy who was very visibly and hopelessly in love with Saku. A much better choice than a random middle-aged man.
“But I am not looking for love or romance. I just wanted to have sex. Also I have tried the boys in the class. They were very disappointing.”
Tried.
So this is what youths of the Reiwa era are like.
Saku’s strawberry parfait arrived. They dug into it eagerly, like any young person would after some…rigorous activities. Their soft fine hair was still a little damp from the shower they just took. He watched Saku wolf down half of the parfait.
“But, why the fixation on…” he gestured with his hands vaguely.
“Sex?” they asked before sticking a large scoop of whipped cream into their mouth.
He nodded.
They thought about it for a while.
“I was curious about what’s so good about it. If it’s anything good then I’d like to write about it in my poems. ”
Of course. Poetry. The lens through which they saw the world. The lengths they were willing to go through, to find out about the horrible truths of life.
“Still, when you do this with grown men, you are putting yourself in danger—”
“It’s okay sensei. I think I won’t be doing this again anytime soon. Not because you ran into me, of course,” they tried to separate a piece of strawberry from the bottom of the parfait cup with a spoon that was too small, “I think sex is just another one of those things that ends up disappointing you.”
Something about the casual expression on their face shocked him. The look would continue to haunt him for years, in the moments where he felt powerless as an educator, when he realized he had once again failed his students as someone who was supposed to lead their way, and there was nothing he could do.
It was the look of someone cursed with a life of unhappiness. On top of that, they were devoted to it. Married to it.
He wanted to tell them—no, that was not true, if it is with the person you love, then it will be—
“Not everyone is lucky enough to find their Harumi sensei,” they said with a sad smile.
He was stunned. How did they know? He and Harumi had worked hard on keeping things under wraps since dating between teachers was a delicate issue, not to mention that they were a gay couple with a large age gap. He knew that Saku wasn't trying to threaten him, but still he was shaken.
“Sensei, thank you for the parfait. Also thanks for trying to talk to me, I guess.”
And just like that, they were gone.
He sat there frozen like a statue in front of the empty parfait cup. The waitress brought over the bill.
He thought about many things on the train ride home. The future of Japan. The youths of our society today. The PhD program that he had been hearing about for a while. When he got home, he hugged Harumi and tears welled up in his eyes. Harumi patted his back, patient and kind as always, and didn’t probe him further.