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English
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Published:
2026-05-26
Completed:
2026-05-27
Words:
8,082
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4/4
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391

between eloquent eyes

Summary:

Twenty. College student. Straight, probably, until the blowjob scenes started working a little too well in both directions.

One deleted search history later, he's standing in front of a members-only door in Shimbashi. He hesitated. He went in anyway. Desire, it turns out, is harder to argue with than he expected.
What happens inside: several men, several mouths, no names, no romance. A first time that goes further than planned, mostly because stopping required more willpower than curiosity.

The story of a clueless, cocky Japanese guy's first time.

Explicit. Autobiographical. Told in the voice of someone who kept thinking the whole time.

Notes:

Originally written in Japanese. Translated into English with AI assistance.
This is not AI-generated content.
The original text, the revisions, and every editorial decision — in both languages — were made by the author. AI was used as a tool, not the author.

This is my first work. I wrote it with care, but please forgive its shortcomings.

Chapter 1: The First Glimpse

Summary:

Aki. Twenty. College student. Let's call it a research project — one deleted search history, one gay porn site bookmarked and un-bookmarked, one cruising space in Shimbashi that came up on page two of a search nobody admits to running.
The logic was airtight. The entrance was a sketchy hallway in a mixed-use building next to a cheap izakaya.
I paid the student discount. Stripped to my boxers in a locker room where everyone else already knew the dress code.
The curtain to the main room is right there.
I haven't touched anything yet.

Notes:

About Aki: twenty years old, college student, Tokyo. Sociable, direct, runs on curiosity and logic in roughly equal measure. Listens to classical music, plays an instrument, reads manga, games. Straight — or so the story begins.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Consent in Japanese cruising spaces looks nothing like this. I cleaned it up for you.

That's what we called them. Homo. Just a word, back then.

 

Scene 1: Focus

The usual site. A cock, filling someone's mouth, close-up.

Face drifting toward the screen. My throat makes a sound. Goes on the audio. Blinking stops. Eyes dry out. Mouth's bone dry.

Looks good. My mouth's open too. Shit, drooling.
Yeah. Pants off. Boxers hit the floor.

Matching the rhythm on screen. Thrust for thrust.

He came in her mouth. Out. Shot. Scattered. Abs flexed up. Cock still pulsing.

I came too. Then nothing. The buzz fading out slow.

wanna put one in my mouth too……

 

Wait. What did I just say?

Scene 2: Shift

Morning wood. Still going strong. Could've sworn I emptied out before bed. Whatever. Gotta do something about this. Something good. ……cock.

Last night's scene comes back. Felt good. Did I come—— from a cock?

Think about it. Mind goes blank. Nothing comes up.
Okay. The question is: can I actually get off on cock videos. That's what I landed on.

Googled it. Huh. The usual site has a gay version.
Gay version of the same site. Huh. Took a second. Same layout. Same thumbnails. Just——men. Categories on the left. Blowjob. Anal. Orgy. Twink. Bear. Daddy. Daddy. ……moving on.

I went straight to blowjob. Cock thumbnails. Sucking thumbnails. Dick slaps. The whole screen, full of cocks. I was hard enough to hurt.

A cock, filling a man's mouth, close-up.

Brain goes offline. Pants already off. Jerking hard.
A man sucking cock.
Hand won't stop. That's all I see. A cock. A hard cock.

What would it feel like in my mouth……

Okay. So that's confirmed. Gay porn works.
A cock's a cock, apparently. Simple.

Just cleaned up yesterday. Now this. Man…

Bookmark it…… Nah. Delete the history.

Scene 3: Research

Those videos. How many times did I even go? Jerked myself raw. But hey, burned it out. Calmer now.

Easy. Yeah, easy. No rush. Yesterday's stuff messed with my head a little. That cock…… Step back from it.

Deep breath. Hhhh. Eyes shut. Quiet. Cool it down. Serenity. Tranquility. Equanimity. ……yeah, that's it. Vocabulary depleted.

Okay. Start over. Facts only. What do I actually know.
One. I've been jerking off to blowjob scenes for years.
Two. Men or women giving head, doesn't matter. Both work.
Three. Yesterday I came to a man sucking cock. Hard.
Four. I've fucked girls. Enjoyed it. Still do, probably.

So what's the variable.

Think it through, calm. Blowjob scenes. My go-to, always.
Something's off. Can't get a grip on it. If——
Doesn't matter. Still want it.

Just try it. If I wanna suck one, I suck one. What, is it gonna kill me?

Googled "gay." Just porn sites. Obviously.
"Gay." "Homo." "Cock." Zero vocabulary. Keep scrolling.
Didn't take long.

Gay dating apps. Shinjuku 2-chome. Gay matchmaking services. Cruising spaces.
None of that works. What if someone sees the app? And walking into 2-chome—— you're homo.

So. Cruising space, what's that? Anonymous. Random men. No romance. Immediate. Sex.
That's it. That's exactly it. But what does that actually mean?

Typed in "hatten-ba." Autocomplete filled itself in. So everyone's looking this up.

Found it. Page two. "Cruising Spaces — Find a Venue." Searchable by region, venue type, and—— clientele? Narrow it down from here.
Read through three pages. Reviews, even. Men rating each other's venues like restaurants. "Staff friendly." "Good ventilation." "Younger crowd on weekends."
Younger crowd on weekends. Filed that away.

Shimbashi came up twice. Both times: mixed ages, weekday afternoons, salarymen. Salarymen. Suits. After work. That's——fine, actually. Anonymous.
Nobody from my life goes to Shimbashi for this. Nobody from my life goes to Shimbashi for this. Said it twice to make sure.

……long road to cock.

Scene 4: The Narrow Entryway

Five-minute walk from Shimbashi Station. A cruising space. Shimbashi means salarymen. Business district. Bar district. Everyone knows that. I knew that.

Not packed out front. But people, everywhere. Normal people. Crowd noise. The elevated train overhead.

Who the hell would guess there's cock here? Who'd look at me and think: he came to Shimbashi to suck cock? Nobody. That's the answer. Nobody looks at anyone in this crowd. Salaryman with his tie loosened. OL checking her phone. Guy in coveralls eating a rice ball on a bench. Not one of them is thinking about cock. Statistically, one of them might be. Not my problem.

I had the route memorized. Walked it like I'd been there before.
Third floor, somewhere around here. Where is it? Whatever. Phone out. Ugh. Deleted the history because I panicked. Now I can't remember the name. Right, right. Succurybar. The hell does that even mean?

Wait. It's right in front of me. Tiny tenant sign. Succurybar. Barely noticeable. Mixed-use building.
Cheap izakaya on the first floor. Of course. No wonder nobody knows this place exists.
Dim hallway. Why is the entrance this sketchy. Kind of scary.

Whoa. Someone coming down. Phone out. Phone out. Totally just checking my email here. Perfectly normal reason to stand around. Suit and tie. Office worker, probably. Don't scare me like that.

Oh. Elevator in the back. Once I'm on that, nobody can see me anymore.
Come on, hurry up. Of course it's on the top floor.
5F: Law Office. 4F: PO Box Service. 2F: Namba Logistics Ltd. 3F: Succurybar.

Once I get on this thing, there's no backing out. No. Why the hell did I come here?
Worst case: weird. Uncomfortable. No coming.
Best case: cock. In my mouth. Sucking.
Acceptable loss: dignity, maybe.
Already spent some of that getting here.
And train fare.

Cock. I'm here for cock. Who am I hurting?

Tiny elevator. Max six people. 3F: Succurybar right there on the panel. Seeing it next to the law office feels surreal. Normal people probably think it's just a bar.

The elevator opened onto something closer to a stairwell landing than an actual lobby. Damp concrete stairs. Huge fire extinguisher. Smoke detector. Grimy walls. Weirdly bright new LED lights. Dead quiet.
Faint smell of teriyaki. Okay. Weirdly reassuring.

Small sign on the door. Succurybar. Really modest. Alright. Grab the handle.

Wait. Members only? The site didn't say that.

Can I go in? Can I not?

Notes:

This work is based on real events.
Names and identifying details have been changed. Any resemblance to specific individuals is coincidental.