Chapter Text
The cycle repeats.
And the sun rises, so we try again.
And again.
And again.
I’ve watched Torchbearer and Clancy go through this cycle for almost two decades. Each time was supposed to be different, and it was, but not the way they had hoped. I’ve lost count of how many cycles I’ve seen. Some lasted longer than others, some never stood a chance. One way or another, Clancy would be lost from Torchbearer and the rest of us Banditos. And because of the cycle, the two of them never aged. I’ve started to catch up to them, and that terrified me.
It always took a toll on the Banditos. Especially Torch.
At first, I stayed away from Clancy, afraid of what might happen if I got close. Would I get stuck in the cycle too?
I already was; I just didn’t know it yet.
|-/
The day I met Torchbearer was the day my brother got me out of Dema. But in doing so, he sacrificed himself to the Bishops and their punishment. I remembered him carrying me and running through the city alleyways, the sound of the guards' feet pounding behind us. My brother was holding me tight; I didn’t understand what was happening at the time. Torchbearer had to explain it to me when I was older. When my brother came to a stop, Torchbearer was in front of us.
“Please.” Was all my brother said before I was taken from his arms. I remembered screaming for him and crying as he kissed my forehead.
“We have to go.” My brother backed away, nodding before turning around and raising his arms in surrender. Torchbearer held me close and sank back into the shadows, reuniting with the other Banditos in the city. I continuously hit his shoulders, trying to escape. He set me down, and the look in his eyes scared me.
“You need to calm down. Your brother just gave up everything for you to escape and have a better life. I know you don’t understand right now, but I hope you can someday and forgive us both for this.” He spoke sternly but quietly.
“Torch.” A Bandito called over, and he picked me back up. I stayed quiet after that, afraid I would only upset him again. I noticed a few other kids with some of the Banditos; they were also from Dema. I wondered if their parents or siblings gave them up too.
I fell asleep before we made it outside the walls of Dema, so when I woke up, I was surprised by the absence of gray and the abundance of green. Torchbearer noticed I was awake.
“What do you think?’’ He asked.
“What are they?” I asked.
“Those are flowers.” He crouched down with me and picked the flower, handing it to me.
“Is this the happy color my brother told me about?”
“Yes, it’s called yellow.” He answered.
“You’re wearing yellow,” I stated. He smiled a little at me.
“Yeah, I am, Kiddo. Welcome to Trench.”
I had escaped the walls of Dema and made it to Trench.
I was five then.
|-/
Torchbearer did what he could to be a stand-in brother, since I wouldn’t let any of the others near me. He always felt safe like one. He taught me to fight and survive. To be a Bandito. He was the leader, and everyone looked up to him and expected him to be everywhere at once. That left me alone a lot, until I let another person in; her name was Safi. She was like an older sister.
The first year was hard: young and alone, in an unfamiliar place. But being young had its advantages; I picked up on things easily, like their way of doing things and their language. I was almost fully fluent by the time I turned seven. Safi made it into a game; she tried to catch me off guard by suddenly switching languages on me.
Since that was a new start, I also got to pick a new name. It was hard at first; Torch told me to make it count.
So I became Firefly, but everyone just called me Bug.
|-/
The first time Clancy made it to the Banditos with me there, I was curious. I had heard stories about him, but it was weird to see him in person.
I had found him by one of the fire pits; it was late, and I was up past my bedtime. When I got closer to him, I could hear him humming a song. Clancy noticed me and made room on the log he was sitting on. I sat down and listened to his song as he scribbled in a notebook. I had tried to peek over and see what he was writing; I couldn’t help it, I was a nosy kid. When he caught me looking, he moved the notebook so I could see and sang the lyrics to me instead of humming.
When he finished his song, someone cleared their throat behind us. Standing there was Torchbearer with his arms crossed.
“I think you’ve been caught.” Clancy whispered to me. I hugged Clancy.
“Can we do this again tomorrow?” I asked quietly. He nodded.
“We sure can.” He answered. I hurried off past Torchbearer after also hugging him.
“Get to bed, it’s late.” He mumbled before he joined Clancy in my place.
Nights at the fire with Clancy became routine, until the cycle started again.
Torchbearer returned one day without him. The others understood the look on his face; Clancy was gone. I didn’t quite get it yet. So Torch explained it to me the best he could. Sometimes Clancy would be here for a while, and other times we could go years without seeing him. He’d only been here a month the first time I met him. He showed up again multiple times in the next year before I learned not to get close or I’d end up hurt and sad. I always kept his stuff safe for his eventual return.
I was seven then.
|-/
Current Day
“Torch!” I yelled and jogged over to him. We had just finished off the last of the Glorious and had reached the tower. I pulled my bandana down when I reached him; he was packing up a bag. “Where is everybody? Where’s Clancy?” Torch wouldn’t look at me; my smile faltered. I looked at Ben next to him; his eyes flickered toward the tower. I took off running without a second thought. Torch yelled behind me, but I ignored him and started my ascent up the stairs of the tower. It felt like forever until I reached the top.
Several red-hooded figures stood with their backs to me.
They were bishops.
We had failed again. Clancy was dead.
I tried to back up quietly, but they all turned around in unison, and I froze. They were Banditos, ones I had just been fighting side by side with to end the very Bishops they were now dressed as. My eyes traced all their faces, naming everyone who had turned. Then I got to the hooded figure at the window who wouldn’t turn around. The bishops stood back and left a path for me, and I cautiously entered the room. A few tears escaped my eyes. I reached the hooded figure at the window. They didn’t turn around; I think they knew as soon as I walked in the room who I was.
“You need to leave.” The voice was distorted, but I’d recognize it anywhere.
“Clancy,” I whispered. He turned around, fully consumed by shadow.
“This is your only chance. Go.” He spoke again.
“No. We didn’t do all of this for you to turn on us.” I told him, and the other bishops took a warning step forward. “You’re one of us; why would you do this?” I tried to step forward, but one of the bishops grabbed my arm. I looked at them. “And you! All of you! Born of Trench or saved from Dema and this is what you choose?”
“Firefly!” Torchbearer yelled as he reached the doorway. “Let her go.”
“She’s free to leave. Take her.” Clancy stated and turned back to the window, unbothered. Torch grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder. I yelled and hit his shoulder just as I did when he took me from my brother.
“Torch, please, we can save him,” I repeated over and over, but my pleas fell on deaf ears. Torch continued down the tower stairs, and by the time we’d made it to the bottom, I had given up.
The walk back to camp was silent, save for the sounds of nature. I stayed at the back of the group alone. When we reached the first hill, I stopped and sat down and looked at Dema in the distance.
The city of gray.
The city of death.
A hand gently touched my shoulder. It was Torch. He didn’t say anything, just sat down next to me. He nodded his head, telling the others to go on ahead. I don’t know how long we sat there, the sun rising higher and higher with each minute. What would we do now? This had never happened before. Clancy becoming a bishop, that is. Was this it?
“Is the cycle over?” I broke the silence.
“I don’t know.”
“So, what do we do?” I asked. He pulled me closer.
“We will try again.” Torch answered.
The sun rises, and we try again.