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There aren’t many things in this universe that Keith Kogane dislikes, despite popular belief. On the surface towards people whom he didn’t know, Keith was an aloof, loner. In reality, Keith was like the common person with disciplinary issues and a mullet-- quite the opposite.
He had people friends, acquaintances he could talk to when needed. People who actually knew Keith could see why others would assume he was the “lone wolf” type. But when actually spoken to, Keith is actually pretty friendly. Not necessarily a social butterfly, but nice enough. For the most part, he was a relatively normal kid. Keith Kogane may dislike pickles, and pineapple on his pizza (like any other normal person), but he wasn’t a fool. Let alone a blind fool.
There aren’t many things Keith disliked. Sometimes some poor, underpaid teen at McDonald’s would leave a pickle in his cheeseburger. As disgusting as that may be, Keith could take the pickle out of the burger and continue on with his day. That was tolerable.
Keith Kogane could tolerate most things. However, no matter how intolerable he may be, and no matter how hard Keith tried, he couldn’t make himself dislike Lance fucking McClain.
And when you’re, to say the least, stuck with the most egotistical, self righteous asshole, in the middle of the fucking universe, the presumed reaction would be to hate him. Or at the very least, dislike him.
But Keith would take a glance at Lance’s stellar smile, hear how beautifully his laugh echoed off the castleship’s walls, catch him between trainings with sweat glistening off his tan skin, and fall.
So
Fucking
Hard.
As cliche as it may be, which it completely is, Keith wants to tell everyone he meets of his infatuation for Lance. Being a part of Voltron has given him the opportunity to travel the universe, which is great for two reasons. One, being that his life has been given some sort of direction, a meaning. Before, he was alone. It never bothered him much then, but as he got older and as time went on, he couldn’t help but feel envious of the kids with close friends at their sides, parents holding their hand as they sent them off to college.
Being a part of Voltron, he was given a purpose. He was there to not only protect numerous galaxies, but the team he’d adopted as his family as well.
Two, he can confirm that from all the galaxies he has been, all the beings he’s met, Lance McClain is definitely the most beautiful boy in the universe.
God, Keith would have never pegged himself as a fucking sap.
Yet here he is, staring up at his ceiling. He can’t even curse himself for staying up late, he doesn’t know what time it is. Keith can’t measure the hours, or at this point, days, he’s lost sleep over Lance.
Lance and the stupid curve of his back. That stupid curve Keith would see when he would stretch, passing his room as Lance walked out of his own.
Keith clenches his fists before shoving his pillow into his face. Maybe if he pressed hard enough, perhaps the pillow could work as some sponge and soak up all this lovey dovey nonsense. Who knows, it could be a possibility. The Alteans seemed to be pretty advanced.
But no, the pillow at that point, only worked for muffling Keith’s lovesick groans. On other nights, moans. However that’s not the case now. That day, the team had visited some obscure planet and of course, Lance couldn’t help but flirt with the female natives. If Lance had a thing for aliens, why didn’t he flirt with Keith? He is a Galra, well half . It’s not like Lance was completely straight either. Keith had definitely picked up some stories shared between Lance and Hunk of Lance’s adventures in self discovery.
One of the stories involved an almost relationship with Lance and some boy from the Garrison. Keith had known the other guy, tall and pale, with thousands of freckles covering his skin. Lance and said boy, were fooling around for a good semester. To make matters worse , this was the same time Keith was still at the Garrison. Keith would have more than happily been Lance’s special friend in his path of self discovery, yet all Lance could do was send daggers. Glares filled with so much hate and jealousy when Keith would land on top of the school’s scoreboards.
It only made Keith’s stupid pining worse.
“Why him ? Of all people…” Keith groans. Why Lance, one of the flirtiest people he’s come across. Having a crush on someone who’s a flirt is already painful on it’s own, even more so when said crush flirts with literally anything else besides you.
Keith groans again, slightly louder, yet just as muffled as the previous groans.
A piece of him wishes for his feelings to go away so he could still work collaboratively with Lance, another piece wishes for mutual attraction. Realistically speaking, the odds of Lance returning the affection seemed slim to none. Again, Lance seemed to be in on a one sided rivalry. In his eyes, he could hate Keith for all Keith knew. They’ve been a lot more civil as of lately, however when the opportunity presents itself, they still bicker.
Keith knew he was in trouble when he started to enjoy the little arguments between him and Lance. Sometimes, he would purposely rile Lance up just for the sake of getting a reaction. Lance’s face never flushed as much as Keith’s did due to his pigment, but the tips of his ears would turn into a faint pink, and Keith couldn’t help but swoon over how cute Lance could unknowingly be.
And when they weren’t bickering, they would just talk. Between missions alone, or while roaming the halls towards the training deck or their rooms. The talks they shared were a lot more pleasant than Keith would like to admit. Lance had dreams before Voltron happened. Apparently, a middle child of seven siblings means having to compete for attention.
Lance never complained about being unloved, or anything of the like. Just at some times, outshined or forgotten. His oldest sibling, his sister, was the valedictorian of her high school-- got a full ride scholarship to Yale. The second oldest, tested out of high school early and got his masters in engineering by twenty-four. Lance had some big shoes to fill.
He told Keith of his fascination with space that grew from a young age. He and his grandparents would look up at the stars on the shores of Varadero beaches. His grandmother would tell him in her native tongue, “Apunta la luna, mijo. Si falla, a tierra entre las estrellas.” Aim for the moon, if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
Apparently the words stuck to Lance. He told Keith of the glow in the dark stars he had on his bedroom ceiling, and the dream of becoming an astronomer. Before, Keith asked why not an astronaut-- to touch the moon. Lance had smiled and looked out the castleship’s window answering, “I don’t know, but maybe for the same reason photographers hate having their picture taken. I can enjoy it, but I don’t want to put myself there.”
The more Keith grew closer with Lance, the harder he could feel his heart beat when they were in close proximity. Most days, Keith wants to tell Lance that moment, then and there, in the heat of battle, that Keith could listen to Lance’s voice and never get bored. That he could get drunk off his affiliation for him, that he loved him. As impulsive as Keith was, this was one impulse he couldn’t let himself indulge on. He wasn’t selfish enough to allow himself risking Voltron, his friendship with Lance, and the sake of the universe for a crush that might be unrequited.
Even if Lance felt the same, what were they to do? If Keith was torn between saving Lance and an entire planet with civilizations, he can’t have a bias on Lance’s life over millions. There was only one Lance, but there could be other blue paladins. As much as it hurt to know, it was true.
As paladins, everyone as people, were replaceable. As lovers, friends, companions, never.
However, Keith was well aware, people on said, theoretical planet, had just as much love for each other. It would be unfair for Keith to choose Lance, no matter how much he would want to.
He couldn’t risk losing someone he loved so badly, so he tries hard to not love at all.
But Lance, Lance made it difficult. Keith would have to tell Lance at one point, for closure, so he could move forward with his life and move beyond this pining he feels every time he looks at him. Keith makes a vow, that night, that he will confess his feelings to Lance McClain.
The morning after, surprisingly there’s no awakening alarm from one of Allura’s elaborate drills to get the team to work harder under pressure. As Keith pats his hair down and rolls out of bed, he debates on whether to tell Lance first thing in the morning. There were pros and cons to that decision, like most decisions, however due to Keith’s increasing anxiety on the entire situation, nothing seems worth the change.
If he told Lance first thing in the morning, it would be ripping the band aid off quickly. He would get it over with a lot quicker, giving himself a lot more time to heal from whatever effect there may be. However, Lance could have a negative reaction and there would be a lot less time, if any, for them two to share any more moments together.
Passing by Lance’s room to the dining hall, Keith decides on not to tell him that moment.
Plus, he would already be flustered as it is. Lance’s cute morning bedhead and well kept skin due to whatever ritual he had done the night before, wouldn’t help Keith in the slightest. So, Keith strides right on by and plops himself down before whatever Hunk cooked up that morning.
“I had the weirdest dream last night,” Hunk says as he puts bowls of food before everyone. “I woke up in my dream as if Voltron was some elaborate dream. A dream within a dream. That’s like inception-- dreamception. ”
“Aw come on, I’m not awake enough yet for this type of sh--”
“--Lance.” Shiro shoots Lance a glare and looks over to Allura, “Do the Alteans dream, princess?”
“Well….” As Allura enlightens Hunk and Shiro about Altean apparitions in their sleep, and as Pidge tinkers with whatever device they decided to pick up that day, Lance sits besides Keith and yawns.
Keith feels his palms sweat knowing that this might be their last normal breakfast together before his confession. With the short amount of time from his walk from his room, to his seating at the table, Keith has already confessed and been rejected in five different ways in his head. He’s even considered writing a letter so he wouldn’t have to confess and face him in person. But just like the previous thoughts, he’s imagined that leading towards five different rejections to his love letter, and in some, Lance flaunting said letter towards whoever happened to walk by.
“How’s it going Keithy boy? The mullet man?” Lance presses his elbow against the table as he rests his face on his hand to look Keith.
This was going to be a lot harder than Keith had originally thought.
Two days later, Keith still hasn’t confessed, let alone talked to Lance since his promise to himself. Keith could feel his heart twinge with regret every time Lance would wave and try to catch up to Keith to chat him up like old times-- it wasn’t exactly that old, it must have been a week before when they talked normally, but now that felt like ages ago. Each time Lance would try to tell Keith a joke, or a story, or whatever shenanigans he had encountered moments before, Keith would brush him off and lock himself in his room-- not even looking at him. It hurt too much. Although, it didn’t hurt as much as the reaction Lance would have when Keith gave him the cold shoulder.
Thankfully, Lance didn’t pry. Keith assumed it was because he hurt his feelings, and for the most part he did. Lance was understanding though, he assumed that Keith just wasn’t feeling well. He just wished he knew why, and if it was his fault.
Not much to Keith’s knowledge, but similar to how most people would assume Keith was an aloof loner, most people assumed Lance was a shallow, comic relief. Lance blamed himself a lot for bad things that happened, despite popular belief.
He blamed himself for leading everyone into this space expedition where they might never return home, he blamed himself for his little sister fracturing her ankle when they were playing out in his backyard, and he blamed himself for whatever hard time Keith is going through right now.
In Lance’s eyes, it had to be his fault. Keith was talking to everyone else on the ship just fine, the only person he seemed to be avoiding was Lance. He knew it was his fault, but he just wished what he did to cause this.
Lance wasn’t exactly all that competitive with Keith as of lately-- or at all for the past, what he felt, the past month. He’s been talking more to Keith as he does with Hunk. Pidge was one with technology and Shiro was too busy with leader duties. Lance thought talking more to Keith would be a good thing.
Maybe he just didn’t like him?
Lance was self aware and knew he could be annoying at times-- well most times. He knows he messes up just as the much person, but nothing exactly big has happened in the past weeks for Keith to just shrug him off like nothing, like he was nothing.
Lance stops himself from knocking on Keith’s door, and decides to go confide with Hunk. He needs social interaction, and a distraction to keep his mind from wandering towards negative things.
“Hunk, it’s me.” He knocks three times on Hunk’s door and waits before walking in. “Can we chat for a bit?”
Hunk looks up from some Altean novel with foreign characters, “Sure, man. Just doing some ‘light reading’.” He scoffs as he puts the book down, “And I thought the Samoan language was difficult.”
Lance sits on the for, cross legged before Hunk, “Yeah huh… So, what’s… ‘up’?”
Hunk frowns. This isn’t the peppy Lance he knows. He’s seen Lance upset before, and knows how to go about it. Another reason why Lance chose to confide with him. “Nothing much, anything up with you? Or should I say, down? What’s up, you look upset.” Hunk leans forward and puts all attention towards Lance.
“A bit. Has Keith been seeming, I don’t know-- different? To you?” Lance scratches the back of his head.
“Well as different as Galra Keith can get, which isn’t much, no. Not different. Why? Is he acting different towards you?”
Lance shrugs, “I can’t tell. He hasn’t been talking to me, that’s different enough.”
“For how long?”
“Four days.”
Hunk’s eyes widen, “Four days? That’s like a month in Lance time.”
“I know. It hurts a little bit ‘cause I thought we were cool now, y’know? Like buddies. We bonded and what not. Now.. he doesn’t even look at me. And I mean, who couldn’t sneak a glance at me?” He tries to sneak in a smirk, but his pout is still evident. “... It’s just.. This wouldn’t bug me as much if he was ignoring everyone else, because then it could be a Keith problem. But, he’s only avoiding me. That means it’s a Lance problem, a Me problem. As in, I’m causing him distress in some way that’s making him hate me.”
“I doubt he hates you,” Hunk quickly adds. “I know this is a silly question because I’m sure you have, but have you tried asking him why the cold shoulder?”
Lance nods and sighs, “Yeah… but it’s odd because now he’s become a part of my daily routine. I talk to him at least four times a day with different conversations, sometimes more if more material is provided. I like talking to him, and I thought he liked talking to me. But I guess I was wrong.. We did only have two conversations before he stopped talking to me, but I don’t know. He had a headache when that happened last and I doubt it’s a headache again because it would be a reaction towards everyone not just me--”
“--Lance. Breathe, you’re fine.” Hunk stops Lance spouting.
“Butimnotfine--”
“ --Breathe. ”
“Icantithinkhehatesme…” Lance hypervenalates, “I don’t know why I’m caring so much, last time this happened was roughly three weeks ago but it wasn’t that bad last time and now it’s happening again. I don’t know what to do, it feels like it’s worse, I caused this and I don’t know what to do, what am I doing? What did I do?”
“Lance!” Hunk kneels before him and places his hands on his shaking shoulders, “Please, breathe. Count back from ten, think rationally. You are fine, this will pass. You will be okay. If you think he’s avoiding you, I can talk to him--”
“--No! I don’t want to make this worse. I can’t..”
“Lance. You are okay, say it with me, ‘I am okay’.”
“I am okay.” Lance inhales and exhales slowly. “Say it like a mantra,” Hunk once told him. If you say it enough, you might start to believe it. “I am okay, and I’ll talk to Keith.”
“Atta boy.” Hunk gives him a smile and pats his head.
“Thanks, Hunk.”
The next day comes and Keith holds a letter tightly in his hands, addressed to Lance of course. Keith originally planned to write a few quick sentences, apology and a small explanation of why he’s been avoiding him. Except that small explanation turned into a spilled ink of sappy proclamations of love. Keith’s clammy palms shake with the letter, and although it’s been revised nearly fourteen times, it still doesn’t feel right
Keith doesn’t know if he’s said too much or not enough. He breathes deeply and looks at himself in the mirror.
Three small knocks on Keith’s door pull him out of his thoughts. His thoughts almost slowly pull him back in his spiral of self doubt when he realizes it’s Lance’s signature three knocks. He always seemed to knock three times.
Keith shoves the paper beneath his pillow and wipes the sweat off his hands before opening the door.
Lance looked down at the floor before looking back up, “Hey stranger…”
“Stranger?” Keith questions. He knew he hasn’t talked to him in a while but they did reside next to each other. They couldn’t exactly become strangers within the course of five days.
“Or ghost. You ghosted me.” Lance stops himself from crossing his arms. He has to appear understanding for whatever Keith’s explanation may be. It would be valid regardless, just Lance doesn’t like to be ignored. Anxiety doesn’t favor him all to kindly, and Keith knows that. He had to after Lance’s previous panic attack.
“I can understand stranger, but I don’t with ghost.”
“Start talking-- whether that be an explanation or just to me. Why have you been avoiding me?”
Keith feels his cheeks to warm up. The letter beneath his pillow has very detailed reasons on why he was avoiding Lance, but before he could answer, he turns his head away to hide the fact he’s blushing.
“Keith?” Lance’s voice sounds so hurt and so lost. Keith can’t help but feel like a complete ass for ignoring the most social person he knows. He sits down on his bed and covers his face.
Lance walks in and closes the door beside him. “What’s up? You can tell me, if it’s something I did I’m sorry--”
“It’s not you.” Keith stares down at his shoes and covers his face. “It’s me.”
Lance fucking scoffs, “Really? That bullshit, come on--”
“No you don’t understand, it’s literally me.” He looks up and Lance can see how red his face is.
No wonder why he’s the red paladin. Lance muses to himself. Haha, nice one, Lance.
Thanks, Lance.
“Oh… well, explain. I’m a bit lost.”
Keith pulls out the love letter from under his pillow and stares at it. “I was going to give this to you to explain but I’m better off just spitting it out,” he stands up and tears the paper in half, then again, and again. He begins to pace back and forth in the room. Even though it’s so small, there isn’t much space to pace.
“I think I like you. Well, I know I like you. A lot actually, and it sucks ‘cause it feels ugly to feel possessive and jealous when you flirt with other people and… yeah.. I regret ripping that paper now haha… I explained better there and I’m having trouble to conjure up words on the spot…” Keith looks at Lance, face much redder than before. Lance didn’t know it was possible for someone’s cheeks to be so red, yet here Keith was. With red cheeks.
However, Lance can feel his cheeks warming up on their own as well. “Oh… well that’s a lot to take in.” And it was. Lance for one, assumed Keith was straight. Not only that, he never thought in a thousand years that he would return the same feelings Lance has been feeling for the past few months.
“Sorry.. I just wanted to let you know. Also.. sorry for avoiding you. I was trying to figure out how to tell you but, I uh, guess I did just now… so, do we continue as before or would this be awkward?”
Lance shrugs, “It would be a little awkward to continue as before… saying that I also like you…”
“Wait, what?” Keith stops pacing and stares at Lance.
“I, reciprocate the feelings. The likey feelings.”
“Likey feelings?”
Lance nods. “Yep.”
Keith sits down on his bed and runs his fingers through his hair, “Well, fuck.”
“Well, it’s a bit too soon for that--”
And there’s the flirty Lance, Keith knows and loves.
“Lance. This took a lot for me to say, do not make me take it back.”
“Sorry sorry, just trying to make light of the situation. But yeah I like you and stuff.” Lance blushes, apparently hard enough for their to be a very slight shade of pink on Lance’s cheeks.
“And stuff? The oh so suave man with words, Lance McClain, is left out of words?” Keith crosses his arms and leans back, enjoying the whole ordeal of Lance being on the other side of the flirting.
“Yeah, anyways--” Lance stands and shoves his hands in his pockets, “What do we do now? I like you, you like me.”
“Date? I don’t know, if you want.”
“Only if you want.”
Keith rolls his eyes, “I’m sure it’s obvious.”
“So, we’re dating now?”
Keith smiles, “Yeah dating.”