Chapter Text
The sun slowly crawls up from behind the hills, the sunlight gradually entering the Dawn Winery. There is a flicker - dark to light - and on que, the chandeliers and lamps in the room went dim. Completely off.
Every light source in the room is doused automatically by the time Kaeya looks around. Diluc, next to him, stirs awake.
"...How did i never notice that the lights react to the time of day..?" Diluc asks, still groggy from nightmares, his eyes half-lidded and tired. His head was still resting on Kaeya's shoulder, but despite the aversity put between them by Celestia's design, they don't mind.
The bluenette tries to chuckle lightly at the irony, but misses the mark by a mile.
A few hours have passed since they had their 'talk'... and even if some burdens have been lifted off the Khaenri'ahns back, there was still a crushing weight of everything else over his heart.
Kaeya wouldn't call their conversation a revelation of truth, exactly, simply because it was merely a fraction. Saying everything he knows wouldn't end well, for either of them. Instead, it's just a small part of truth - the beginning.
A seed, that may once sprout to uncover more lies, one by one.
Diluc frowns a bit at the dimming lamps, but other than that, he stays silent. The light was going out one by one, and using it as his cue to continue, Kaeya jumps at the opportunity.
"...I found it odd too, when I first arrived here, actually. I've never seen that type of lights before, and I wondered why they turned on and off on their own like this... Or, I knew, but didn't want to admit it, you know?"
Diluc nods, but winces right after, clenching his eyes shut - against the sunlight or the information, Kaeya didin't know. Ever since yesterday, he was keeping a watchful eye on the redhead, who was still going in and out of consciousness after yesterday's revelations.
Unstable, tired, exhausted, his past-brother was looking deeply drained by yesterday's events. His eyes, when they opened once more, were half-lidded yet clear, finally seeing everything for what it was.
Grasping their situation - the unfortunate world they were living in.
"...When I was new here, around eight years of age, I didn't really understand much yet, you know? Kids usually don't understand much, even if my circumcenters were a bit... different." - Kaeya sighs, a nagging feeling at the back of his throat telling him to stop while he was ahead. He coughed to clear it away.
"Anyway... The lights were just the beginning. At first, I was thinking I just didn't notice when the wax in the candle finished burning. It's a logical thought, no? I imagined that the oil-lamps simply ran out of burning oil at a convenient time - but that wasn't true, either, no matter how strongly I wanted it to be."
Kaeya smiled, a small hint of anger entering the expression, knowing that Diluc couldn't see it take over his features. He knew too well how Celestial observers had better things to watch and enjoy - the 'setting' of their 'play' was already good enough, so why bother their 'actors' by maintaining it?
It's not like anyone would notice the mistake, or care enough about the actual nature of this world to protest against it.
Why waste their time with actual laws of reality, with sense and reason, while they can idealize it virtually instead?
Take away nearly all independence and free will that they could, while they're at it..?
Diluc blinked at that, sensing the animosity in the other man's tone. Stuck looking somewhere far beyond, his eyes hateful yet distant, The redhead looked at Kaeya with concern, trying to meet his gaze.
He couldn't grasp everything that the younger was saying just yet, everything swimming in and out of focus as soon as he tried, but he still recognized the raw resentment behind the words.
Was their life always like this? - So controlled, and so... fake?
Trying to understand this only gave Diluc a bigger headache, albeit a milder one than before. With a pitiful sound of defeat, he winced inward, curling up, taking a deep breath.
That small pain didn't matter to him, the great Diluc Ragnvindr - he tried to tell himself - but he couldn't fool his past-brother who felt him tense against him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder in sympathy. Still, Diluc felt horrible that in the end it was Kaeya comforting Diluc instead of it being the other way around.
He simply couldn't feel okay, physically or mentally, knowing that he's bedridden with a headache when the person he knew since his childhood was carrying an entire nation of secrets on his shoulders, probably having it way worse.
Lying through his teeth, never letting the truth slip. Faking his every move for safety, living through it alone. Unable to form real bonds with people, confide in anyone, be true to himself, or to others. Trying to just live, trying to adapt, playing pretend - but it wasn't living. No. It was surviving.
Not falling behind, not getting executed by Celestia or... misguided... peers..?
Something about that didn't sit right with Diluc, simply because, there was one moment...
Did Kaeya really never try to tell anyone..?
Unless... Kaeya did try, and Diluc just didn't-- couldn't-- understand it at the time...
It was too blurry now, but... ever since yesterday, Diluc was stuck dreaming a lot about their past. Even now, at the current moment, memories and nightmares alike were flashing right before his eyelids.
When he blinked, he saw his early days at the winery, grapevines and sunshine everywhere, all year. When he blinked again, he saw his days as a knight, repeating the same tasks over and over, training relentlessly. When he closed his eyes again, tightly against the sharp memories that grasped his mind, he saw a glimpse of death, of ash. His bleeding father.
Everything from then on passed in a flash, leaving him reeling, before the story rewound again... but he was sure there was something...
He remembers being surprised with Kaeya's eccentric behavior when he was young, for the fist time they met. His questions, his way of thinking, the unexplained fear and sorrows...
He knows they were fighting and competing over their father's favor, but looking back, it was probably a one-sided struggle.
He knows it was easy, too easy, trying to join the knights later on. Trying to impress Varka was, as well, pretty much predetermined for a Pyro Vision user...
He knew it was no coincidence that his life remained a bit too perfect, without trouble or struggles. He used to be such a happy young man, passionate, ready to face everything with his brother and father by his side. It was like a dream...
--up until a tragedy decided to strike. Up until the day he saw his father die, and Kaeya, smiling unnervingly nearby.
Crepus's death in particular left the biggest pain in his skull, out of every treachery so far. The way he died, and how he faded in his arms... Why did he just fade? Why did his father just fade away, when his gravestone is at the Cathedral?
In fact; why do the monsters do the same, when they're defeated? Disappearing into dust, only to arrive in the same place a few days later.
The story rewound again, leaving Diluc reeling, the hand on his shoulder squeezing tighter in reassurance. He was missing something - something important... what was it?
Again it went. Childhood at the Ragnvindr manor. Knighthood. Keeping their city safe with Jean. Father. Fatui. Coming back. Defeating Stormterror with the Traveler and Venti.
Fighting monsters and bad guys for the city as Dark Night Hero. Serving Rosaria drinks at the tavern. Diona's distain for his wine.
It was all...
It was all just... lies.
A fool's errand - and the more he thought back to it all, the more he saw of them.
" Kaeya, I'm... I'm so sorry. " - Now, Diluc understood why Kaeya acted the way he does. Why he became what he is now, and why he's such an alcoholic because of it all.
From one second to another, it's becoming more and more obvious, why his brother turned out the way he did. It was the simple fact that they didn't experience reality quite the same way.
A living nightmare, to contrast Diluc's dream.
He was still reeling from the fact, a shock hidden by his exhausted mind. He couldn't believe he hasn't noticed, for all these years, but now that he has, he cannot contain himself.
Guilt is overflowing, and he turns to the other, barely choking out the words. "Kaeya, I... You... I'm just glad you told me... I'm glad you've told me the truth."
Trying to ward off the persistent headache, Diluc finds himself biting his lip. A tear rolls down his cheek, and gods, when was the last time he allowed himself to cry?
When Kaeya pats him on the head gently, running his cold fingers through his hair to soothe him, the Pyro user finds himself turning deeper into the cushions, trying to hide. He knew they were safe now - on the way to rebuild the bridges unwillingly burned down, but his body and mind were too exhausted for it just yet.
The knight next to him, thankfully, understands, and slowly retreats. He places a warm? fluffy? fake? stiff? blanket on his shoulders, and it allows Diluc to relax, somewhat. Kaeya was probably hoping Diluc could sleep peacefully... as peacefully as he can, with the current situation.
According to Kaeya, people like him have no dreams at all. He said that his people aren't able to dream just yet - because their reality is a dream yet to be dreamed... or rather, a dream that has been lost under Celestia's greedy grasp.
On the brink of sleep, the final blurry memory hits Diluc like a bullet. Their fight.
The rainy night flashes before his eyes, the blurry edges fading away, and in that moment he realizes - Kaeya tried to tell him everything that night. He was mightily injured, coughing blood, eyepatch cut and oozing blackness, but he tried.
Diluc attacked with reckless abandon then - a punishment for the both of them.
Mere entertainment, for the gods.
The only thing Diluc hears as he slowly falls into sleep is the door clicking shut - and Kaeya is there no more.
The captain got out of the winery as quick as he could, the burning feeling in his chest overbearing on his senses. He barely had time to breathe a pained breath before his surroundings changed dizzily, the man finding himself in a formless void.
"Ready when you are~! " - He tried to choke out hurriedly, but the player and the team were nowhere in sight to hear him.
Instead what met him was a wall of symbols, with keys corresponding to letters he somehow remembered...
The traveler has appeared, finally, but they were looking off, far into the distance. It was only the user interface that moved at all, the UI, that spoke in their stead.
Or, well, more like typed--
" You caused an anomaly, Kaeya. "
Kaeya tried to look as unbothered and ignorant as always, but his thoughts were going haywire.
What was the traveler trying to do? What were they trying to say?
What anomaly? Which anomaly?!
Just a moment ago, he appeared a bit late in the team summoning screen - yes, he couldn't just disappear in Diluc's presence, and scar him for life - The redhead would be even more traumatized than he already was, if he saw that.
It was the last thing that Kaeya wanted...
Was that the anomaly the traveler spoke about? Or was it all the other things from earlier..?
...Or was it his entire behavior, which, in turn, caused Diluc to interact with the traveler outside the game's outline? Acting out when he shouldn't have?
Getting the primordial gem...
...Was that the anomaly?
...Or was it that fiasco with Diluc's vision, activating on its own, far away from the allogene himself? Did Celestia... notice their transgressions..?
Was the traveler... and Celestia... were they one and the same after all?
Kaeya has felt his knees go weak, all the burdens piling up on him like a huge weight he had to carry, crystalizing over his heart. There was no time for him to take a break, truly, and it didn't take long for the pressure to drop.
The previous message disappeared suddenly, a glimmer of sparks left in its wake, replaced with another.
" I know your secret. "
The character selection screen faded off ominously, and here Kaeya was, in front of the Mondstadt fountain. In front of the traveler.
They were sitting on the marble edge, twirling a whisp of golden hair absentmindedly, their clothes somehow flowing in the nonexistent wind.
Their eyes... Their eyes were empty more often than not, but they weren't empty now. There was someone behind this gaze this time, speaking through their mouth, their voice, a puppet on strings with a soul attached.
In complete honesty, Kaeya didn't trust the traveler, ever. Period. Their actions seemed plain wrong to him, and at times, even cruel.
Letting his teammates die, when a healing item was at hand.
Making the team go through domains until their breath caught, and their necks got broken.
Killing him, over and over, and then leaving him under the statue of the Seven--
"Can't you hear me?" - The travelling enigma asked, eyeing him up and down. Kaeya was in a daze, lost, barely registering their inquiry. "I want to know more."
Hearing that distorted sound, he froze. During quests, they followed a dialogue. During adventures, they let him die. Now... what was this?
All the times Kaeya has perished, his chaotic bursts of Cryo not healing him fast enough, the traveler was silent. Unaffected.
It was never enough.
Always more. Always demanding. Never satisfied...
Day by day, night by night, it was just endless pain.
"I can see you breaking the rules, Kaeya. Stop pretending."
Once upon a rainy night, he was taken to Starsnatch Cliff. He was promptly forced to jump down from the rocky edge, threatening to kill him instantly on impact with the constructs below.
Mere milliseconds before his demise, he was teleported to Inazuma, his mind reeling and body rebelling harshly against him. Even he, a Khaenri'ahn made for teleportation, had no chances against sudden changes of gravity and speed.
It felt like he was crushed from the inside, ready to vomit - but he held it in, lest the player makes him jump down for real.
...Which they did, eventually, by the time they were climbing the Sumeru mountains.
"Stop pretending, Kaeya."
He remembers it so clearly. He woke up a week later near Sara's furnace, some revival food-item inserted into the remains of his soul. He wanted to scream, yell, vomit, cry, to run away until his legs burned and his lungs begged for air - but alas, then, he was only forced to break his legs by falling off the stone fortifications of Mondstadt city.
Seeking for some 'chests' or whatnot.
Who placed all these chests around the city, anyway?
Why?
What's the point of hiding good possessions, weapons, mora, and placing them in a chest, which you then leave out in the open, or underground, or on some random tree-branch of all places?!
Who would place their treasures on trees or in their yard, just for some thief to steal it all?
How did they survive, un-opened, for all this time?
Waiting for the traveler to find them?
"Ok, I see how it is..." The traveler sighed before him, unamused. If they wanted to break down Kaeya, who has stayed quiet through all types of torture, the golden-eyed devil needed to get more creative.
The screen dimmed slightly, and darkness fell around them like an endless night, and it made Kaeya wonder about the twin Visions in his pocket, glowing softly as the only source of light.
...Wait.
" I see them too, you know. "
The screen lit back up, and Kaeya couldn't stand still any more, not without panicking. He shifted his eye ever so slightly, just to confirm his fears, and that's when he noticed it, clear as day.
His Vision wasn't on his belt. It was instead in his pocket, taken off the night previous. Diluc's Vision was there too, next to his, no longer a fire hazard when Kaeya took it away.
He hid them in the room at first, but later, he decided to keep an eye on them--
He's busted.
So many years, so many deaths, hiding, lying, trying to live through the algorithmic nightmare, and this is how it ends..?
The surroundings turned back into "reality" - but they were in a different place now, the colors swirling before his eyes before this area loaded completely. It was dark, darker than before, and the only light was coming off Kaeya's Visions, some crystals, and a flying... Lucklight fly?
They were in a cave - no, deeper than that.
The Chasm. The purple writing on the walls, in his native tongue, and a bluish glow of a Lumenspar - they were unmistakable for this region. The stench of death was strong, too, and Kaeya felt it with his entire being.
He has been here before, and the familiar black Abyss was oozing behind his back, encompassing him like an old friend. It welcomed him back home - the deceptively calm aura of the hidden fountain making him drop his guard to the danger below his feet.
In front of him, the traveler smiled.
--And, promptly, makes him fall.